The Christmas Nightshift

Dear IUD the 1st,

Its been four years but I still haven't forgiven you for falling out during a Christmas nightshift which lead to me having to have a last minute gyno appointment. Nothing will beat the cringe I felt lying with my legs up, listening to East 17 on the radio, in my work uniform. Thankfully my current one has been no where near as badly behaved and we are very happy together!!

Hannah, UK

Long-Ass Cycle

Dear my period cycle,

We’ve been on a long and hard journey together. Even from a young age, your irregularity scared me. Before I started the pill at age 16, my last cycle was 54 days long and that was before I started having sex. More recently at age 19, I stopped the pill (and switched to condoms) and you took 60 days to arrive AND you bleed through my jeans. You really scared me. Even when I know I am not pregnant. So now I’m back on the pill, thanks a lot to my period cycle.

Rachel, Scotland

Don’t Want to Deal With You

Dear uterus...

I truly wish I didn't have you. I am so scared of being pregnant. I bleed for over a week with my period. I wish I didn't have you and never have to deal with you again.

Ali, USA

I Wish

Dear Endometriosis

I wish I knew you existed sooner. I wish you didn't cause me so much pain. I wish doctors knew how to get rid of you. I wish I hadn't been dismissed by my doctors because they didn't believe in you.

You suck.

Beth, UK

Home

Dear Body

Thank you, although I’ve put you through so much, you’re my home. Although I now have an IUD I still know my cycle, the sudden influx of whiteheads and that random irritability at physical touch, I’ve learned your rhythms. It’s taken 22 years and a lot of work, but I’m happy in my home. I promise to take better care of you.

Zoe, England

Safety

Dear the Pill,

You helped me handle the worst cramping, heavy flow and PMS for almost 5 years before my body rejected you (development of melasma). But you also kept me safe from pregnancy during 3 years of an abusive relationship, you meant I never had to make a tough decision about whether to keep a baby. I am now free and safe, and protected by an implant until the day comes that making such a decision is my choice and mine alone. Thank you.

Anonymous, Switzerland

WTF Hormones

Dear hormones,

You are such a mystery to me. You make me feel great, you make me feel strange and you make me have the weirdest symptoms. Sometimes I don’t like you, I don’t understand you. After coming off the pill, I’m discovering you all over again. I hope we can become good friends. Don’t be too hard on me. I’ll try to do the same.

Much love and confusion.

– Abril

Abril, Argentina

Second Chance

Dear period,

Oh boy it’s weird to have you back, but for all your mood swings, cramps and back pain you’ve shown me that I’m healthy again after years of anorexia. Thanks for giving me a second chance.

Anonymous, UK

Please Come Back

Dear period,

Please come back. I don’t know why you've left for over 1 year. My doctor says it's because I'm really stressed, but she doesn’t sound too confident. I know that most girls hate their period, but I really just want you back so that I can feel normal again. Please.

Love, Livvy

Livvy, USA

Love, Abortion, Mamma Mia

Dear Abortion,

You were something I thought long and hard about, not something I wanted to do. You were something I had to do. You were the product of the post-break up “off the rails” stage of my life. There were 4 possible fathers I could choose from for you. One was the father I want for my children but the risk of it all was too high. I didn’t want to get rid of you but I also didn’t want to bring a child into the world that wasn’t the child of the love of my life, and the one that to this day is still my friend with benefits and has no idea that he in fact is the love of my life

Anonymous in her 20s

Anonymous, UK

A Mild Inconvenience

Dear pill,

Thank you for turning my 7 day periods into 5 day ones. I just wish I had never decided to take you at 4pm everyday as that’s now very inconvenient. If I could suggest any future improvements, I’d ask that you please make my periods lighter, and maybe bring my sex drive back. Thanks babe x

Anonymous, England

What Are You Telling Me?

Dear discharge,

Why do I know so little about you, when you’re supposed to tell me so much? You change so much throughout my cycle but I have no idea what “normal” is. Some days you soak my pants, while other days you stain them. Nobody told me if it’s normal to always wear panty liners. You confuse me so much and make me so self conscious. What are you trying to tell me?

Conflicted, Alex

Alex, The Netherlands

50 Days and 50 Nights (Of Bleeding)

Dear Implant,

You honestly caused a shit storm for five months. Bleeding for 50 days straight will apparently land you with an iron infusion and this thick, sickly fog that won’t leave you. I despised you at first, as the whole point of getting you was to decrease my bleeding and my pain. I was frustrated with you. I couldn’t take the pill because it made me ill, I couldn’t do an IUD because of trauma, you were my last hope. And I wanted to get you removed.

But now; the pain is gone. The cramping that would literally have me cemented in bed for 14 days has vanished. I hate feeling you in my arm, but I thankful that you finally started to work.

Anonymous, USA

Copper Beads

Dear IUB,

Wow, what an invention you are! When the pill was driving me insane and turning me into a crazy woman, I didn’t know what to do. Then when my doctor told me about a copper bead IUD, I just had to get you. With you, I know who I am. With you, I’m normal hormonal me - none of that fake stuff thanks! With you, I’m 99% protected against pregnancy. Thank you for existing, my copper IUB.

Kristina, Poland

No Worries

Dear the hormonal coil, the best IUD

Thank you for SAVING me from 8+ days of incredibly painful and heavy periods that made me wish I was a man. I no longer worry about being pregnant from having a 40+ day cycle too. It’s taken a huge load off my shoulders, pun intended.

Anonymous, Puerto Rico

A Forced Break

Dear the Pill.

We started our relationship when I was 14. I just wanted something to stop my horrendous period pain so I could have a month without fainting and being sick. And you did it! But, I feel like over the last ten years we've changed from how we used to be. Instead of making me happy I don't know how you make me feel, because I don't remember how I felt before you. I was scared to leave you though. And suddenly you weren't available, and I was forced to take a break. And I feel so much lighter and happier and more free. I'm glad of our time together, but now we have to explore other options. I wish you well!

Lucy, UK

Go Die in a Ditch, PCOS

Dear Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome,

I truly wish you would die in a ditch. You're the reason why I feel so disgusted with myself . I have had it with you ruining my face and screwing my self image, I hide the bottom of my face and cry when I see all the scars on my face. I hate that because of you I am in debt $5K because at the age of 17 the hair had gotten so unbearable , I decided to get laser removal treatment, in a low income family. It was excruciatingly painful and I would cry so hard every session. In high school other people decided to point out and make fun of that, I started getting bullied. It’s been some time out of high school but you still haunt me. Regardless of what I would do to tame you, you never go away. I shave everyday, and my face hurts because of it. It hurts so much that I let it grow, and I mourn more. Shaving days have turned into deep conditioning, making sure I take care of my skin , but if you weren’t there how much more happier I'd be.

I fucking hate you.

Leanessa, USA

“Part of Life”

Dear Doctor,

I wish you would have believed me. The first time I visited you about my period pain I was thirteen years old. You said the pain was normal. You used the word "complaining". You told me to use paracetamol.

The second time I visited you I told you I was missing weeks per month at school. I couldn't walk for the first two days each cycle for the pain. You prescribed me something stronger but it didn't help. No referral. No gynaecologist.

The third time I visited I cried, I begged you to help, you told me I was a woman now and my pain was "part of life". I was fourteen and I cried harder. I had to "learn to cope". I saw myself as weak.

The seventh time I visited you, I was nineteen, I was at university, I knew my pain wasn’t normal, my flat mates saw me screaming on the bathroom floor and told me they were worried. I got my referral.

I didn't visit you an eighth time. I had been to the hospital, been scanned, sat in the whirring MRI machine praying they would find something, something that could be treated.

They did.

The consultant told me, I had been born with a birth defect inside. Two uteruses sharing one small cervix that isn't wide enough. My blood had been collecting inside of me. My body contracting harder and harder each month to try to push it out.

I didn't visit an eighth time, because as much as I wanted to tell you I was right all along, that I wasn’t complaining or weak. Instead of visiting I changed GP practice. I realise now that girls deserve to be listened to. To be believed.

Today I am cared for by a gynaecologist who listens to me. I take muscle relaxants to ease the contractions, I am having surgery next month to allow me to carry children. I feel heard. I feel believed. My periods will never be "normal" but at least now I am in control.

@spooniefighter

Natalie, UK

Not Worth the Entrance Fee

Dear implant side affects,

I was warned of the side effects, it was highlighted that my periods may stop (no complaints there!) I might get headaches, feel sick and may experience mood swings.

Mood swings.

I was not warned just how bad the mood swings would be, you seemed to cause a complete personality change rather than just a few ups and downs. It started slowly, I was more irritable and I said this will pass. I would cry at nothing and then in the middle of that burst into laughter, this will pass I said. Irritable changed into irrational anger, I said let me check with the doctor.

I was assured that this was normal and if I just waited long enough everything would even out, so I agreed that I would wait until the 6 month mark. As I waited I became more and more angry and aggressive with everyone, I cried a lot, the sound of my partner doing mundane day to day tasks made me feel so angry I would have to leave the room before I started screaming about whatever it was.

How exactly was that all perfectly normal?

While it did level out and I have had 2 and half years blissfully without periods it was not worth the entrance fee.

Thanks for showing me that hormonal contraception is not for me.

Bianca, UK

I <3 My Coil

Dear coil,

Thank you for giving me the other three weeks of the month to me. Stopping the migraines, tsunami blood flow and saving me so much money in tampons and pads, (because I had to change both every hour to avoid the tsunami). I’m not sure how I got to 33 without you. My boobs only hurt a little bit now, and my painkiller taking has gone down. I was on strong painkillers, which clot my blood enough that I could use a menstrual cup and a pad. Now I only need a night time one at night, and normal middle ones for day time, only needing to empty the cup three times a day.

Since I had you inserted I have been able to have a light coloured bottom sheet since I don’t bleed out in the night. I keep running through pms, my period (always had to have a week off for that) and the weeks recovery without injury as I couldn’t feel it due to the drugs.

I only get the odd cramp, and my diarrhea is solved.

I have a few extra spots, but nothing as bad as when I ate cheese and milk and ice cream and store bought cake. Or soya. Or monosodium glutamate.

And have I gotten a little chunky due to quarantine or is it you? We shall never know.

There’s no going back now. How did I drive to work when my vision was swimming? How am I alive!

Sincerely
I<3my coil

Anonymous, UK