Winner!!!

Dear Vaginismus

Thank you for FINALLY allowing me to have sex. You're a right pain in the arse, but I know now I can beat you, and will continue to keep beating you whenever you rear your ugly head. You ruined my life for so many years, put strains on my relationships and diminished my self worth, but who won? Huh?

Anonymous, England

The Battle Has Just Begun

Dear Vaginismus,

I haven’t won any battle against you yet. Tampons make me cry and sex is impossible. But I will win. One day. The control you have over my body, my choice of period protection, and my sex life makes me miserable. But, as I learn more about you, about how I am going to get help to deal with you, I can confirm it’s the start of the end for you. Here’s to less pain.... emotional & physical.

Molly, England

Knives Out

Dear vaginismus,

You’re the unwelcome guest in every aspect of my relationship. I’ve known for a while what you are but always ignored you blindly hoping you’d go away on your own, but there’s only so many times I can turn down sex. I don’t know where you came from, you never used to cause a problem but one day you made me feel like my insides were knives. I’d never heard about you before this, you’re taboo and I feel unworthy of suffering your wrath when I haven’t been assaulted or any of the other awful causes listed on health sites. I guess that makes you even more menacing, to not know what I could have done better to stop you. I’m terrified of what it’ll take to rid you from my life, but 2 years is too many and I need to take back control of my body. This is the start of the journey and years from now vaginismus, you’ll be a faint memory of something I kicked to the curb.

Georgia, England

Anatomy Autonomy

Dear my vaginismus,

I really don't understand why you make my life so difficult, I don't understand why I must carry the burden of a traumatic experience even now, 7 years later. I don't get why you didn't let me use tampons until I was 18. I don't get why my gynaecologist didn't listen to me when I talked about you.

Thank goodness I switched gynaecologists and pill, because everything was making it harder to deal with you. You won't take my autonomy away from me anymore.

Anonymous, Spain

Brave Together

Dear vaginismus,

Please go away. I don’t know why you’re here, but I’m fed up of being made to feel like I’m never going to be enough. I know I have some issues I need to get over, but wouldn’t it be great if you just let go one time. We can be brave together.

Max, UK

A ‘Normal’ Sex Life

Dear Vaginismus,

You have ruined my chances of having a 'normal' sex life. Not just physical but the mental exhaustion and questioning whether my partner still wants to be with me when he is such a sexual person and I am not and cannot. Even three years after physiotherapy and sexual health counseling, I am still struggling daily and really do not want this to tear my relationship apart when everything else is great. You have crushed my self-esteem and self-worth. Why me?

Please leave me alone.

Anonymous, UK

Small Victory

Dear vaginismus,

Fuck you for keeping tampons from me for so long. I hope that maybe one day you'll even let me use a menstrual cup. But for now I'll smile and be thankful everytime I wear a tampon, and relish knowing that I had a victory over you, even though it was small.

Katie

Thanks but No Thanks

Dear Vaginismus,

You will not beat me! Ever since the ectropion made sex no fun and I had to have the cysts on my cervix cauterised you've hung around.

In some ways, I should thank you; you've brought my partner and me closer together and made our relationship about more than being physically intimate. In other ways, I wish we'd been able to have a normal sex life during my 20s ...

Now that I'm 30 we're working on having a family and with him at my side, we will overcome you. So thanks but no thanks. Goodbye!

Anonymous, UK