I Am Strong

Dear copper coil,

I still vividly remember how painful it was to get you, the following 24 hrs where it was hard to stand and I wanted to be sick. My periods got longer, bloodier and so much more painful. Yet I fought to get you. Doctors told me it wasn't advisable as I'd never given birth, I'd had bad periods before which meant I would probably not have an easy time with you. But I was determined to try.

I had been on the combined pill, my first contraceptive, for a year and I felt so relieved that my periods had finally become predictable. They still hurt but they were short, less bloody. It took a long time for me to realise my mind was affected instead. The doctor said my depressive feelings were only a result of Masters year stress, not the pill. I had to wait to till the year was over. I believed her. It didn't get better. I returned and requested a new method of contraceptive, one that didn't make me a ball of anxiety if I took it half an hour late. She suggested the implant, a progesterone-only contraceptive that would go in my arm and last for 3 years. Perfect I thought, it was a year and a half later as I fell into a depression related to work pressure that I discovered through my own research that progesterone is linked to low mood side effects. I had periods that lasted weeks, I became anaemic and my hair thinned. It took months to get the implant removed.

A new doctor, a new combined pill, this had a lower dose of progesterone and my periods came back under control, I even hoped my mood was a little better. However, I was badly depressed, going to counselling and taking antidepressants, I was desperate to do anything to lighten the strain. I started looking at non-hormonal contraceptives.

Condoms only terrified me, I never want to be pregnant. That left the copper coil. I was advised toward the hormonal progesterone coil, "It's a low localised dose, fewer side effects, like only taking two pills a week". I was unmoved, I knew my body now. I got almost every side effect on the progesterone implant, I knew this meant the hormonal coil wouldn't lessen my periods, so what benefit was there if it continued to add to my depression? I had to know how bad my mental state really was, free from hormones.

So I got you, the 5-year copper IUD, and they had not been sugar-coating the insertion pain (next time, I want stronger pain medication than two paracetamol). But I'm functioning better, my depression is still here but I have only had one panic attack in the last 3 months since I got you. The mental space dedicated to fear of missed contraceptives is now free. My periods suck but I'm taking the physical pain over mental pain joyfully. I've got prescription pain killers as of my fourth month of coil periods, something I should have asked for as a teenager when I missed school due to period pain.

So, dear copper IUD, thank you. You showed me I could stick up for myself, that my mental health was a valid factor and it's ok to ask for help and a second opinion until a better solution is found. There are no medals for crying in pain so I kicked my pride out the window and asked for painkillers that would actually do something. In an odd way, you taught me to stop punishing myself, even if you do hurt like f**k.

Thanks for showing me I'm strong.

Anonymous, Northern Ireland

Supportive Bra

Dear sports bras,

Thank you! Were it not for you, my seventeen-year-old self would have spent a significant amount of time wallowing in dysphoria while they couldn’t get a binder. Thank you for supporting my in my gender journey ;)

Dani

Empowerment and Mood Swings

Dear copper IUD,

It's been 2 years now since we were introduced, and although we've had our ups and our downs, I have to say you make me feel so empowered. I think you made my mood swings worse (boo) but you've helped me enjoy sex more (yay) - all in all, I think we're pretty good together!

Emily, Sweden

Fumbling About

Dear Menstrual Cup,

I’ll be honest, I was terrified of you at first, but after 4 days fumbling about with you, I think I’ve finally sussed you out! I really think we could have a future together, especially while I’m dealing with some extra implant-related periods!

Lots of love,

Ellie

Ellie, Australia

Searching For Answers

Dear periods and potential endometriosis,

You have made my teen years a bit of a mess. The disappointment of being sent home on school trip due to my pain and falling asleep curled up on the bathroom floor becoming a regular occurrence. Soon I will have an answer to why this is happening. I cannot wait for my surgery and to finally get a diagnosis or explanation I've been waiting and fighting for answers for too long.

Anonymous

Request Denied

Dear tubal ligation,

I struggled for years with nightmare periods, raging hormones, and every possible birth control option there is. Doctors denied my request for tubal ligation-despite my undying conviction I did not want children. Until one day someone said yes and 2 weeks later my life and my body changed in the most amazing way. Thank you.

Andii, Canada

There is Such a Thing as Too Big

Dear cervix,

Thank you for shielding my uterus from foreign invaders, but I really wish you weren’t in the way during sex. I can be sooo damn close to an orgasm, but a slightly wrong angle and you literally bring tears to my face, it hurts so damn bad. I can’t even remember how many times we had to stop in the middle of things, disappointed, but it hurt too much to carry on. I just wish you were a bit more accepting towards my partner, it would help a lot.

PS: To whomever said size doesn’t matter, it does. And there is such a thing as too big.

Anonymous, Slovenia

A Craze and a Mess

Dear The Pill,

Thank you to the doctors for not letting me know that you would make me more insulin resistant before I went on you, making me have to inject more or the stuff that keeps me alive, thank you for sending my sugar levels in a craze and making it more of a mess to keep in check.

Anonymous, Scotland

F-U

Dear Pill,

I wish I had listened to my gut and just said no to you. Although the certainty of birth control was great, it was definitely not worth the massive weight gain, hormone imbalances and fertility struggles I’m facing post taking you. Honestly, F-U.

Love,
Ana

Ana, Slovenia

Please Vacate

Dear Endometriosis,

I’d never want to share a house with you, let alone my body. Please vacate yourself from these premises.

xoxo

Anonymous

My Cup Runneth Over

Dear Menstrual Cup,

It’s been a rough ride finding you, the one that fits and doesn’t hurt or make my cramps unbearable. We’ve been through a lot, and things have been messy, but I’ll never look back. (Plus you’re kind of beautiful in a funny sort of way!)

P.S. thank you for making “my cup runneth over” part of my regular vernacular!

Anonymous, UK

On/Off Relationship

Dear the Pill,

We have a rocky relationship.

Seeing each other on and off for years. Sometimes I think we are great together, in many ways you make my life a hell of a lot easier, we share the same interests, most notably an active interest in not getting pregnant.

But you also bring out the worst in me. You play with my emotions, manipulate my thoughts, with you I am tearful and angry and feel out of control.

My friends tell me I should leave you, to realise we aren't good together and find another contraceptive partner. But I'm scared to let you go. There may be plenty more fish in the sea, but there are definitely not plenty more contraceptives. While our relationship is undoubtedly toxic, it feels comfortable and familiar and safe.

That being said, maybe it is time to move on. Maybe it's time to find a contraception that does not abuse my trust and manipulate my mind.

So, Pill, hear me when I say,

It's not me, it's you.

Georgie, UK

Tolerating My Period

Dear menstrual cycle,

I wish I didn't have you. I know you are very important, but as a trans person I really struggle with you.

I know I will be happier when you are gone, but for now I can tolerate you. One day you will be gone and I will be truly happy, that is enough to keep me moving forward.

Moira, Australia

150 Days!

Dear my hormonal coil,

Thanks!! Thanks so much for 150 days now of no periods and no pain. Plus, it's lovely having a great and spontaneous sex life with my boyfriend.

It was weird at first, the idea of having something new inside me, and it did require an afternoon in bed when you were put in. But I'm so grateful!!

Love, Hannah

Hannah, UK

Falling Through the Cracks

Dear pill,

It's been 2 years I'm no longer taking you, and I couldn't be happier about it. Being totally honest, I would love to stop using condoms, but at least they don't have unpredictable side effects. Just to let you know - my horrible migraines went away. I don't feel miserable anymore. I don't panic anymore if I don't have my migraine medication with me. I don't cry in pain on the bathroom floor after having vomited for the 3rd time in a row, and - most importantly - I don't have to figure out what's wrong with me on my own. My libido is back too, I just feel more alive, more connected to my body. Dear pill, for someone you might be life-saving. But for me you aren't the right choice.

Dear doctors....

Why did I fall through the cracks of the health system? Why didn't you talk to me about possible side effects? Why, when I've got migraines, you didn't connect the dots? Why did you tell me it's all due to genetics and put me on another medication which gave me hallucinations? I was so scared.

I'm free now. No more migraines, no more anxiety about having one, no more hallucinations.

Best,
X

Anonymous, France

Is it Because My Body is Weird?

Dear IUD,

I really hoped we would last longer than we did. You were such a good help with the horrible pain, but twice you tried to leave me and the third time I had to let you go. Now I'm trying to find a replacement, but it's hard to find a match like you were. Luckily the pain isn't as bad anymore, if it's because of our short friendship or just because body is weird, I'll never know.

But I sure do miss you.

Sara, Norway

Bloody PE Mat

Dear PE gymnastics mat,

I am so sorry that I forgot my period was due and had my period on you.

When I was about 11-12 years old I got my period during a PE lesson at school. I was sitting on the mat for about 20 minutes listening and watching someone else’s performance... little did I know I bled through my underwear and PE shorts and then onto the PE safety mat lol. It was mortifying then but I just laugh.

P.S. I know it’s gross but I just left it there, male PE teacher and I didn’t know what to do.

Sorry again PE mat with love xx

Anonymous

Dumped on the Pill

Dear pill,

I wish when I went on you all those years ago (10 years) that I knew you would mess with all my hormones and make it so when I come off the pill that I feel so much better, have a higher sex drive, not feel so messed up. Off the pill now I feel so much better and it's clear I wasn't taught what you could do even though I changed off a few pills for other side effects. Also being off the pill I am starting to learn about my body and what's normal where as for 10 years what I thought was normal was very wrong. Wish I had been given more education rather then just dumped on the pill.

Anonymous

Knickers in a Twist

Dear period panties,

I am so grateful you came into my life. After years of painfully fighting with my friends, tampon and cup, and a rocky relationship with pads, I did not think I would find a relationship like this. Thank you for being there!

Anne, Ireland

Which is Worse?

Dear The Pill,

You have made my periods 4 days long instead of 7. You have made them lighter, and less painful, and more bearable, but you also cause me to have intense cramps in my cervix and pass clots big enough to fill my menstrual cup. You’ve stolen my sex drive and made my mood swings go wild, yet I feel addicted to you. I’m scared of what will happen if I come off of you, I’m scared the pain and length and heaviness of my periods will come back. I no longer know what’s worse. Heavy, painful, unbearable periods, or mood swings and a lack of sex drive which is threatening my relationship

Please sort it out.

Thanks

Charlotte, England