Not Just PMS

Dear anti-depressants,

I'm so sorry it took a PMDD diagnosis for me to be comfortable with you. I thought it was just PMS or mood swings - things we're "not meant" to take medication for. Thank you for helping me live a better life and not be a slave to my hormones.

Love, Alexandra

Alexandra, Australia

Floods of Poo

Dear period diarrhoea,

Would you please have some mercy? I’m tired of pooping never ending floods. I hate you for making my stomach feel as if I have to poop all. the. time. so that I don’t want to do anything but sit on the toilet and wait. I’ve had enough of waking up in the middle of the night because my pain killer has stopped working and the diarrhoea is back.

You’ve ruined many important days of rest and countless school days. You’ve deprived me of sleep. After you woke me up tonight again, and after sitting on the toilet for an hour with no end to the hell, I’m begging you: would you please ease up a little bit next month?

Lizzie, Sweden

Tried Everything

Dear Contraception,

Why can I never find the right contraception for me? I’ve tried pills and pills and pills. I’ve tried implants and injections and patches. My last option is a coil and this scares me half to death. I’m currently without anything (not sexually active either) and it’s hell. Just need something for these painful and heavy periods and nothing can sort me out without migraines or continuous bleeding or pain.

Anonymous, UK

Taking Things Into My Own Hands

Dear PCOS,

You made me feel really unsexy and not womanly enough. But you pushed me to learn more about my lady bits. You showed me the flaws in the sex ed I was given at school and made me confidently seek the knowledge about my body that tradition, society and my government failed to deliver. I can openly talk about smegma, vaginismus and period blood to anyone willing to listen (male or female). So you may have given me horrible PMS, but I guess we can overlook that for now ;)

Amina, South Africa

Testing

Dear Transvaginal Ultrasound,

Please find something. I’ve been in pain for 10 years and the thought of having to do more tests is so draining. Also sorry to the ultrasound girl who saw my butthole.

Ash, Australia

Imperfect Match

Dear Birth Control,

Thank you for fixing my irregular period and stopping me from thinking I'm pregnant every other month. Also, thank you for the lighter periods and less painful cramps.

However, I will not forgive you mini pill for giving me periods every too weeks. And the patch is also on thin ice for worsening my headaches.

I dream of the day I find my perfect birth control match.

If you're out there somewhere I will find you!

Jaz, UK

Love and Learn

Dear the Pill,

Thank you for being here for me through my teenage life, you have truly saved me and have allowed me to have control over my body. Thank you for allowing me to open up conversations with my boyfriend, and to educate him on the terrible hormones that make me cry, when he says no to me sometimes. Thank you for keeping me organised and on track with my day due to having to take it at the same time everyday!!! Most importantly thank you pill for allowing me to love and learn about my body and what it’s capable of doing.

Anonymous, England

Suck It Up

Dear Crazy Hormones,

Thank you for causing the week leading up to my period to be a complete roller coaster and the physical symptoms when my period arrives to be debilitating. You’ve also made any form of hormonal birth control impossible. You decided unreasonable irritability and WILD mood swings were a great reaction to the different pills. Your reaction to the patch - nothing shorter than 14 day periods!! And any other form was greeted with worse symptoms (didn’t think that was possible until it happened). I’ve been told nothings wrong, you (the hormones) are a little out of whack and I’ve just got to suck it up.

Anyway, I’ll just be over here enjoying my two weeks of freedom until it all starts over again.

Anonymous, USA

Passing Out from Period Pains

Dear doctors who ignored me,

I spent my the first 10 years of my period on various contraceptive pills suffering because my periods were too painful to deal with without some form of hormonal control. But the pills messed up my mental health and combined with other events in my life have left me with anxiety and panic disorder. I’ve spent almost my entire adult life trying to get a doctor to believe that my period hurt more than was normal and no one ever took me seriously. I saw 8 different GPs and no one ever took me seriously nor did they do anything but tell me to take pain relief and get a hot water bottle and try another contraceptive. Like I hadn’t already tried all these things. And now I’m in drug induced menopause because after a year of finally being off any hormonal medication and my period getting worse and worse till I cramped for half of my cycle and passed out multiple times each month because I was in so much pain. All of this culminating in me getting a concussion from hitting my head when I passed out from the pain.
I finally got a gynaecologist to believe me and after paying thousands of dollars I’m now on medication to put me into menopause to stop my period so I don’t have to risk passing out and getting further head injuries till I can finally get surgery to confirm a diagnosis of endometriosis.

So now I’m 24 and in menopause having hot flushes and hormonal mood swings and all the other terrible menopause symptoms that you hear about and still I’m happy about that because I’m not passing out multiple times a month.

I understand that the probable endometriosis wasn’t any ones fault but I shouldn’t of been questioning if I was correct about my feelings about how painful my period was since I was 13 and I shouldn’t of had to spent so much money trying desperately to find a doctor who would believe me.

And it should never of taken me getting a head injury from passing out on my period for anyone to take me seriously. And I shouldn’t of spent years being messed around by doctors being put on hormonal medication that ruined my mental health.

Hannah, New Zealand

An Unfair Choice

Dear PMDD,

You destroyed my teenage years by making me depressed, suicidal, anxious and angry for two weeks every month. Now that I know what you do to me, I fight you off with antidepressants. But one day I’m going to be brave enough to say goodbye to you forever with a hysterectomy. You’ve helped to make me who I am, but I’ll never forgive you for making me choose between being happy and having children.

Anonymous, England

You Need To Calm Down

Dear pre-period moodiness,

Can you calm the hell down? We do this every month, we know what's about to go down and to be honest theres no need.

Steph

The Hunt for Body Autonomy

Dear Ovaries.

I've never wanted you. Sounds harsh I know. But ever since I found out about you, your cycle and your pain, I have wanted you gone. I knew I could because my mum got rid of hers. At 11 I wanted nothing more to free myself from the cycle that caused me hell all for the sake of having babies. I knew even then that I would never lie down with a man and allow myself to be impregnated. I wanted to assert my rights and stand up for myself so I announced to my whole year 5 class that I wanted a hysterectomy. Instead of support all I received was condemnation from male teachers. Yet it didn't lessen my want for freedom. And it didn't stop me from spouting feminist arguments in an age before the Internet. How I discovered such things I do not know. All I know is that I've always been a rebel against something. (Whether I'm rebelling against my parents, school, my ovaries or my birth gender, it always comes from some undeniable part of my soul.)

So I continued to struggle under the pain of my cycle, dreaming of the day where I could have autonomy over my own body. For years I battled with periods that caused fevers, vomiting and hallucinations. I missed so much education and life because of you, dear yet wretched ovaries. The pain you bestowed me would make me scream so much, that I was medicated with codeine at 12, by male doctors that smiled when telling me "it's normal." (Blacking out from pain sure didn't seem normal to me.) Why had I been born with you? You felt more like a curse than a promise of motherhood. (I've never been religious, but I even tried praying you away to no avail.) You caused me so much hell.

If only people had listened to me, maybe things would have been different. If I had been seen by female doctors maybe they would have understood. I still ask myself these things even now. It doesn't do me any good too ask though. I've learnt that in therapy. However I know now, what I go through every time is a kin to periods after miscarriages. It's not normal but I guess it's normal for me at this point. Back when I was 12 those periods were more akin to actual miscarriages. I wish I knew that back then. Maybe people would have taken me more seriously back then.

Now that I'm older you've become a little bit more manageable. But it's hard to say whether you are the one that's gotten better or if I just have more experience with looking after myself. One thing is for sure, I don't black out anymore. (I still have the same anaemia that makes me fall over randomly and I still need 3 naps a day for 3 out of the 5-7 days of my cycle.) You taught me how to survive under excruciating levels of pain. So I guess I should thank you for making me strong. But no-one should go through what I went through. No child should long to be knocked out because of pain. No child should be locked in a room by parents who can't or won't help. (Yes that's something that happened because of you and it's abuse. I see that now.) No child should want to gag themselves so their screams don't wake others. And no child should ever feel ashamed about taking control of their own damn body. (And that is something I hope the world changes.)

For now though I'm still working on getting rid of you. I'm 28 now and my want for a hysterectomy is as strong as ever. I'm still afraid that whatever is wrong or abnormal with you will be passed on, and that's a risk I'll never take. Any way, I've always known I would adopt if I ever were to have a child. That's not changed. Even if my gender identity has. Now I want you gone two-fold. Maybe now people will pay attention to my want for autonomy. I've suffered under you for 17 years, and it's about time I was free from your clutches. I'm more resolute than ever to see the back of you. I want to be able to live my life as the person I'm meant to be instead of living in fear of a dysfunctional and irregular time bomb. And maybe once I'm finally free from living in your shadow, I can begin to move on with my life.
I'd like to say thanks for the memories but I can't.

-H

H, UK

Thank You and Fuck You

Dear Period,

Thank you for being so bad on the first day each month that I HAVE to tell people who want to spend time with me. Now I am so comfortable talking about you with everyone. In fact maybe too comfortable as my bf does not want to know all the details about you (amount, consistency, period poos), but I have to experience them and need to tell someone what a shit show being a person with a period is. So thanks you taught me a lot about myself and society.
But also fuck you, I am so afraid to go off the pill, because you will come back in all your making me faint painful glory (instead of the almost comfy withdrawal bleedings) but I will have to because those hormones probably are not helping my depression.

Please be kind to me when I welcome you back into my life.

Yours B

Anonymous, Austria

Too Sad to Function

Dear Period,

You tend to make me too sad to function, and put me in so much pain that I can't move let alone work. I’m grateful however that you only do this to me 8ish times a year as I dont think I could cope with any more. I hope that one day I'll be brave enough to go back to the doctor to get a treatment that works, but at the moment I'm too scared of any invasive tests. I hope that one day we'll have a better relationship and I can be happier for it.

Izzy

The Diarrhoea is a Bit Much

Dear uterus,

I am sending you this letter as a notification that I will no longer be ashamed of what you tend to do each month. I commend your regularity, but I don't really like the cramps, or the emotional rollercoaster, and the diarrhoea is a bit much. I have lived in shame about my monthly toilet troubles for a while now. I refuse to do so anymore.

Some girls and school nurses told me I got my period earlier than them because I ate more than them, and maybe I should have done more sport and been skinnier and I wouldn't have got it so early. So I skipped my lunch, and pretended that I wasn't bleeding, and never had. Others told me that my painful cramps and IBS symptoms were a result of eating junk food all the time: that I was obviously unhealthy (only doing 3 dance classes a week) and needed a lifestyle change. So I ate rabbit food, took some paracetamol, hated my new womanly curves and vowed to slim down (despite naturally being at an underweight BMI) at the tender age of 13.

Uterus, it wasn't your fault that my relationship with food and my body has become so skewed, so I'm sorry for blaming you. You might have endometriosis, which isn't your fault either (but it's still annoying). So despite your infuriating habits, I will love you just the same, and I will shout about my period flatulence from the rooftops if I have to, so that other girls don't have to go through the shame I did. Because you are wonderful, and I won't let anyone - not even the school nurse - tell me any different.

Love,
Your Proud Owner x

Anonymous, UK

We’ll Meet Again

Dear pill,

Thank you for everything you've done for me, from not getting pregnant to helping me with acne. But I have to let you go now, I didn't know you could make me feel sad or nauseous. Maybe we will meet again some other time.

Myrtle, Greece

Home

Dear Body

Thank you, although I’ve put you through so much, you’re my home. Although I now have an IUD I still know my cycle, the sudden influx of whiteheads and that random irritability at physical touch, I’ve learned your rhythms. It’s taken 22 years and a lot of work, but I’m happy in my home. I promise to take better care of you.

Zoe, England

Safety

Dear the Pill,

You helped me handle the worst cramping, heavy flow and PMS for almost 5 years before my body rejected you (development of melasma). But you also kept me safe from pregnancy during 3 years of an abusive relationship, you meant I never had to make a tough decision about whether to keep a baby. I am now free and safe, and protected by an implant until the day comes that making such a decision is my choice and mine alone. Thank you.

Anonymous, Switzerland

WTF Hormones

Dear hormones,

You are such a mystery to me. You make me feel great, you make me feel strange and you make me have the weirdest symptoms. Sometimes I don’t like you, I don’t understand you. After coming off the pill, I’m discovering you all over again. I hope we can become good friends. Don’t be too hard on me. I’ll try to do the same.

Much love and confusion.

– Abril

Abril, Argentina

Second Chance

Dear period,

Oh boy it’s weird to have you back, but for all your mood swings, cramps and back pain you’ve shown me that I’m healthy again after years of anorexia. Thanks for giving me a second chance.

Anonymous, UK