Overwhelmed with Periods

Dear implant,

Thank you for giving me a period for three straight months, and then two periods every month since. Thank you for getting my hopes up of not getting a period for a while and then letting me down massively and making them so, so much worse.

Lizzie, England

Tried Everything

Dear Contraception,

Why can I never find the right contraception for me? I’ve tried pills and pills and pills. I’ve tried implants and injections and patches. My last option is a coil and this scares me half to death. I’m currently without anything (not sexually active either) and it’s hell. Just need something for these painful and heavy periods and nothing can sort me out without migraines or continuous bleeding or pain.

Anonymous, UK

Menstrual Randomness Button!

Dear Implant,

I thought that more than a year in we would at least understand each other better. We started off great (regular periods, no spotting), and then you decided I should bleed for as long as you please and every three months you press the randomness button and I don't know what to expect. Regular 5 day periods? No periods? Three week periods? Who knows! I'm tired of expecting things to normalize. I had an appointment to discuss our future together but quarantine started that week. And now that we are at the worst of the pandemic, going to a doctors office seems so far outside the realm of possibility.

Still, i hold hope you show mercy and stop messing with my body. Not unlike an abusive relationship I still hope next month will be different.

Laura, Bolivia

Safety

Dear the Pill,

You helped me handle the worst cramping, heavy flow and PMS for almost 5 years before my body rejected you (development of melasma). But you also kept me safe from pregnancy during 3 years of an abusive relationship, you meant I never had to make a tough decision about whether to keep a baby. I am now free and safe, and protected by an implant until the day comes that making such a decision is my choice and mine alone. Thank you.

Anonymous, Switzerland

50 Days and 50 Nights (Of Bleeding)

Dear Implant,

You honestly caused a shit storm for five months. Bleeding for 50 days straight will apparently land you with an iron infusion and this thick, sickly fog that won’t leave you. I despised you at first, as the whole point of getting you was to decrease my bleeding and my pain. I was frustrated with you. I couldn’t take the pill because it made me ill, I couldn’t do an IUD because of trauma, you were my last hope. And I wanted to get you removed.

But now; the pain is gone. The cramping that would literally have me cemented in bed for 14 days has vanished. I hate feeling you in my arm, but I thankful that you finally started to work.

Anonymous, USA

Not Worth the Entrance Fee

Dear implant side affects,

I was warned of the side effects, it was highlighted that my periods may stop (no complaints there!) I might get headaches, feel sick and may experience mood swings.

Mood swings.

I was not warned just how bad the mood swings would be, you seemed to cause a complete personality change rather than just a few ups and downs. It started slowly, I was more irritable and I said this will pass. I would cry at nothing and then in the middle of that burst into laughter, this will pass I said. Irritable changed into irrational anger, I said let me check with the doctor.

I was assured that this was normal and if I just waited long enough everything would even out, so I agreed that I would wait until the 6 month mark. As I waited I became more and more angry and aggressive with everyone, I cried a lot, the sound of my partner doing mundane day to day tasks made me feel so angry I would have to leave the room before I started screaming about whatever it was.

How exactly was that all perfectly normal?

While it did level out and I have had 2 and half years blissfully without periods it was not worth the entrance fee.

Thanks for showing me that hormonal contraception is not for me.

Bianca, UK

I Am Strong

Dear copper coil,

I still vividly remember how painful it was to get you, the following 24 hrs where it was hard to stand and I wanted to be sick. My periods got longer, bloodier and so much more painful. Yet I fought to get you. Doctors told me it wasn't advisable as I'd never given birth, I'd had bad periods before which meant I would probably not have an easy time with you. But I was determined to try.

I had been on the combined pill, my first contraceptive, for a year and I felt so relieved that my periods had finally become predictable. They still hurt but they were short, less bloody. It took a long time for me to realise my mind was affected instead. The doctor said my depressive feelings were only a result of Masters year stress, not the pill. I had to wait to till the year was over. I believed her. It didn't get better. I returned and requested a new method of contraceptive, one that didn't make me a ball of anxiety if I took it half an hour late. She suggested the implant, a progesterone-only contraceptive that would go in my arm and last for 3 years. Perfect I thought, it was a year and a half later as I fell into a depression related to work pressure that I discovered through my own research that progesterone is linked to low mood side effects. I had periods that lasted weeks, I became anaemic and my hair thinned. It took months to get the implant removed.

A new doctor, a new combined pill, this had a lower dose of progesterone and my periods came back under control, I even hoped my mood was a little better. However, I was badly depressed, going to counselling and taking antidepressants, I was desperate to do anything to lighten the strain. I started looking at non-hormonal contraceptives.

Condoms only terrified me, I never want to be pregnant. That left the copper coil. I was advised toward the hormonal progesterone coil, "It's a low localised dose, fewer side effects, like only taking two pills a week". I was unmoved, I knew my body now. I got almost every side effect on the progesterone implant, I knew this meant the hormonal coil wouldn't lessen my periods, so what benefit was there if it continued to add to my depression? I had to know how bad my mental state really was, free from hormones.

So I got you, the 5-year copper IUD, and they had not been sugar-coating the insertion pain (next time, I want stronger pain medication than two paracetamol). But I'm functioning better, my depression is still here but I have only had one panic attack in the last 3 months since I got you. The mental space dedicated to fear of missed contraceptives is now free. My periods suck but I'm taking the physical pain over mental pain joyfully. I've got prescription pain killers as of my fourth month of coil periods, something I should have asked for as a teenager when I missed school due to period pain.

So, dear copper IUD, thank you. You showed me I could stick up for myself, that my mental health was a valid factor and it's ok to ask for help and a second opinion until a better solution is found. There are no medals for crying in pain so I kicked my pride out the window and asked for painkillers that would actually do something. In an odd way, you taught me to stop punishing myself, even if you do hurt like f**k.

Thanks for showing me I'm strong.

Anonymous, Northern Ireland

Fumbling About

Dear Menstrual Cup,

I’ll be honest, I was terrified of you at first, but after 4 days fumbling about with you, I think I’ve finally sussed you out! I really think we could have a future together, especially while I’m dealing with some extra implant-related periods!

Lots of love,

Ellie

Ellie, Australia

Diagnosis Party!

Dear period,

Here we are. About 9 years after my first period. It has been a wild ride so far. Over the past years we have dealt with so many irregular periods, horrible cramps, pregnancy scares and so much more. I have always felt that there was something a bit off about you. I never knew what and I was never encouraged to figure it out. Never. I was actually advised against figuring out what was actually wrong. I felt helpless, scared, frustrated and so much more. Until I was done with all of that and decided that I needed to know what was wrong. We have dealt with 3 types of different birth control pills, broken condoms, an implant, coitus interruptus, fertility awareness methods to finally come to the hormonal coil. Because the other methods weren't especially helpful with regulating you and giving me the security I needed to feel safe, I came down to the decision to get a hormonal coil. Not using any other birth control except condoms was not an option because my partner didn't feel safe enough. So I came down to a coil. But not after I went to multiple doctors to insist a examination about PCOS. I had read so much about this hormonal disorder that I was certain that this was it. And it was. Finally after all those years of not knowing what was happening, I finally do. And it brings me so much joy that I don't have to question my period every time it happens.

Love Sophie

Sophie, Netherlands

Left a Scar

Dear Implant,

I read so many reviews and talked to friends before finally deciding on you. You were a bit painful to begin with. We had 9 lovely carefree months together. I didn't have to worry about a thing but I was worried about everything and anything. I became depressed and anxious, maybe not entirely your fault. However, I decided we should part ways and it was a nice clean break-up. You've left me a scar but I am happier now, hormone free and surprisingly worry free.

Switching to condoms was easier than I thought with my partner supporting me 100%. I feel lucky to have them and now to be hormone free.

Love
Lucy

Lucy, Scotland

A Tale of Three Relationships

Dear Pills, Implant and Needle,

You were my life line in the fight against not getting pregnant for 10 years, I started with the pill at 16 years old and you were great, you made sure that my period was always on time and that I wasn't in a ton of pain all the time, and we were great until life got busy in college and I kept forgetting to take you, and it was scary, so I did research, and found the implant. You were a little match stick that sat in my arm, you weren't uncomfortable, and I could feel you under my skin, which was fine. But after a 5 week long period.... We needed to break up.

Along came the needle, you were ideal, 12 weeks between shots, no period, only a short pain after getting done, it sounded perfect. well, we broke up in March after a year because I wanted to know what I was like off artificial hormones, and well… still no period? Where'd she go?

Sincerely,
Just looking for my Period.

Anonymous, Ireland

Managing PCOS

Dear (possible) PCOS,

You suck!
The weight gain and the inability to lose weight sucks. The excess hair that has made me self conscious since I was young sucks. The intense period pain sucks.

Luckily, finding a diet that works in lockdown by reducing the sugar I eat and exercise has meant that I've managed to lose a stone so far and I'm no longer classed as obese! Now to finding a method of coping with the rest!

Thank you to my hormonal coil for helping with this so far. Gone from having around a 60 day cycle on the implant to a 30 day one on the coil! Big up the coil!!

Here's to the future and managing the rest!

Cait

Caitlin, UK

Rough Start

Dear Implant,

We had a rough start in our relationship. The first year of having you was rocky, periods every two weeks or two months. But 3 and a half years later, we’re on our second implant and life has never been better. Thank you for taking away the periods and the pain that came with them. If you could be so kind as to get rid of the PMS and spots that come with it though, that would be great!

Anonymous, UK

It’s Not Normal!

Dear all the GPs that brushed me off.

Fuck you.

In my senior year of school, I had 6 months of constant bleeding, falling asleep in class and so much money wasted on pads. According to my doctor, it was perfectly normal for someone my age (17) to have irregular periods.......but this ain't irregular, this is too regular....

Same thing happened the next year, another 6 months of blood and lethargy. Went to another doctor, same explanation of them and a script for the contraceptive pill. I never took that because the period stopped in the week after that particular visit.

This went on for a few years, and I gave up on doctors in my town and didn't consult another doctor until I was 20 and had moved to a city with more options.

New doctor said that having a period for that long isn't normal (duh) and she sent me off for bloods and a ultrasound. After that, she diagnosed me with PCOS and anemia due to all the blood I was losing. She went ahead and prescribed me the combination pill and Metformin (which is the automatic prescription for PCOS, but it really shouldn't be).

Went well for about a year on those meds, until I ended up in the hospital with a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clots in the lungs). Turns out the combined pill can cause blood clots, good to know! (I also have a Protein C deficiency which contributed to the clotting, didn't know this prior to the hospitalisation) Took me about a year to feel like I can breathe freely, but I still have constricted breathing sometimes and will have to take blood thinners for the rest of my life.

Now I'm on the implant to manage my PCOS, because going back to constant bleeding is the alternative. Don't know if I'm going to stick with that long term, but choices are limited when estrogen is ruled out.

If you made it this far, congratulations! Just please get your doctor to test your clotting susceptibility before taking estrogen!! It takes a blood test and may save your life.

Dana, Australia

Depressed and Horny

Dear the implant,

I had you fitted in 2016, you were my best friend for almost 3 years. You stopped me from getting pregnant, and you stopped my periods.

But you did sometimes scare me and give me fake pregnancy symptoms.

When it was August 2018 everything changed. My boyfriend and I were about to go to Spain for my birthday, I was out with my mum shopping for a new bikini, but then everything changed. I tried on the bikini bottom over my knickers and I had a feeling something had changed, I had this warm feeling that my period had started. I didn’t have any signs I was about to come on and I wasn’t prepared at all.

I went and bought some pads hoping it would stop before we went away. But it didn’t. Luckily my boyfriends mum had some pills to stop it so I took one on the morning we flew and every morning we were there until we came back.
When we came back we went down to my boyfriend’s nan’s, I went for a wee thinking my period had stopped as you do. But it came back and then I didn’t have anything on me, and I didn’t have any money on me, I asked my boyfriend’s auntie and she didn’t have anything, his uncle pulled me over to one side and took me down to the shop and bought me some pads. I felt rather embarrassed but he said it’s ok, every woman gets them it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

My period didn’t stop for 9 months, my implant was causing me pain and faint spells, but no matter how many times I went to the doctors they wouldn’t remove it. They gave me the pill that works along side it but that didn’t work.

Eventually I had you removed, and found a new best friend the hormonal coil.

So dear implant you are and will no longer be my best friend. You hurt me, caused me pain and to pass out. You caused my iron to be low, you caused me to have no sex life at all. You hurt my feelings, you made me crazy for months, you made me hate myself daily, you made me depressed and yet so horny and flustered. I hate you I hate you I hate you. And I’m glad you are no longer in my life.

Molly, UK

“Ride It Out”

Dear Implant,

How blind sighted I was when you promised me a spot free face and light periods. How low and confused, and sad I was when, after you were implanted, I cried everyday and didn't know why. My once upbeat optimism shot down in a flux of progesterone. I know they say, wait 6 months. I know they tell you, there are always going to be side affects. But surely it doesn't have to be this way? Surely contraception shouldn't have you feeling at your lowest low with doctors telling you to just "ride it out?". After pleading with my doctor, you were removed. I felt lighter. I felt me. I didn't know the reasons I had been feeling so blue were because of you.

Dear Coil,

THANK YOU. Hormone-free, decade long contraception. I've found my other half. We still have qualms (8 day periods... really?) and contraception research has a long way to go, but thank you for showing me that hormones are not the only option.

Love, Paige

Paige, England

The Pill Implant Super Team

Dear the implant,

After so many failed attempts at the pill to control my heavy very painful periods, you in conjunction with the pill gave it a kick in the butt and now I no longer have periods and no more pain.

Thanks friend xxx

Eleanor, UK

Get Myself a Pee Stick

Dear Implant,

While I'm grateful to you for preventing any unwanted pregnancies, I'm less impressed with your effect on my period. 6 weeks of spotting, bit of a break back to normality, then semi-periods every fortnight. Next up is a gap that's long enough I'm concerned you haven't done your job and get myself a pee stick (fortunately it shows you're doing something right at least). I'm ready for a bit of consistency please!

Yours (somewhat) gratefully,
I don't want to be a mother

Mel, Australia

“Inconclusive”

Dear my implant,

Why would you make me put on so much weight? Why has that weight got to be in such a way that I look 4/5 months pregnant constantly? Why would you give me month long PMS despite the fact I have no period?

I got you as I couldn't deal with the headaches I got on my period (with or without the pill) - they left me unable to get out of bed for the whole weekend. I was told you'd potentially stop me having periods at all - which you have, and for that, I'm very very grateful! The headaches are gone, and I have no debilitating cramps! But still having a lot of the PMS symptoms (see: mood swings, random crying, bloating, fatigue, headaches, spot breakouts) in the lead up to light spotting, and the weight gain? I wasn't prepared for that. I never felt that weight was important to me, and the numbers still don't, but looking at my stretch marks and the fat I've never had before, makes me feel like this isn't my body.

This is only made worse by the fact that weight gain isn't *officially* a proven side effect. The fact that the internet is full of women saying that implant has made them gain weight is apparently irrelevant because the small amount of scientific evidence on the subject is 'inconclusive'.

I realise that having you removed would stop all of this, but I don't know if my natural cycle would be any better or if those horrendous headaches and flu-like symptoms would return. Perhaps, you are the lesser of two evils - I can live with these side-effects, even if I have had to buy bigger jeans! Plus, as long as I have you, I can kid myself that the weight will fall off once you're gone with no work required on my part!

I'm sorry I spend so much time being angry with you - I'm sure you're doing the best you can!

All my love,
a-grateful-but-frustrated Chelsea xxx

Chelsea, UK

Host Body Aches and Pains

Dear Implant,

As much as I like you, you've been rather annoying.

I've been grateful for the lack of cramps, or lessening the blow of them, as holy shit they were getting bad for me. Also, the very lengthy time between my periods has been nice, but the 2 week periods of very light blood? Annoying as fuck for someone using a menstrual cup (I had a fairly regular cycle before, with more blood) for the lightest flow, so I have to use panty liners.

Other than the 2 week periods, I'm mostly annoyed that when I first got you inserted, the area around started to ache quite badly. Enough that I sometimes couldn't use my arm, and I had to get you replaced. I'm glad they changed the area it was inserted, as it's now hopefully in an area where it won’t ache! (the back of my upper arm, it apparently has fewer nerves)

Let's just hope you can continue to do your job for the next 3 years without any more issues!

Your host body,
Amelia

Amelia, UK